The Woodchipper Massacre (1988)
Imagine, if you will, getting home from school and turning on ABC family. They have an after-school special, most likely a made-for-tv production, about three kids who are left alone while their father is away on business. Naturally… Schenanigans ensue.. and end up causing trouble with their strict act (who forbids any fun or happiness at all). Over time, they get over their differences and bond in a very loving and touching manner… Sounds like a nice way to spend the afternoon, right?
IN THIS FILM, however, half-way through, the youngest kid, about 12, stabs the aunt “by accident” and she dies. They argue for about 20 MINUTES… annoying the hell out of the audience (if there is one)… and decide to hide the body and cover it up. By the way, if the first thing that comes to my mind if I accidentally kill someone… IS NOT that I wouldn’t be able to sell girl scout cookies… you know what… it’s best if I don’t get into their individual motivations to cover-up the murder… you wouldn’t believe me if I told you.
After they FREEZE the body and throw it into a wood-chipper (complete with a Happy musical score playing the entire time, which sounds fine theoretically for a cult/b-movie… but it is executed so bad that the only word to describe it is= FAIL!).. their ex-con cousin drops by… and ends up being next.
Their dad decides to come home early… so there is a happy musical montage of the children finally bonding and cleaning up the house/yard. Their dad comes home to award them new bikes…. It’s the perfect after school special for the Manson children… well… it would be if done right…
I don’t even want to discuss their ‘acting’, because there was none. I’m pretty sure some of them were reading their lines from off-screen. The editing was choppy and filled with Continuity problems, not to mention the image looks as if it was shot ON a VHS tape. The pacing is just a nightmare… nothing happens for 45 minutes, then there’s a 20 minute discussion that will make anyone on Adderall fall asleep.
I recommend you skip this one. Some of it can be saved by riffing it with drunken friends, but there are better choices out there than this Piece of Garbage.