Bite Me!

BITE ME!

I would rather be eaten alive by Coyotes than watch this again

This ‘movie’ was tells the tale of a drug dealer who also spends his nights managing the strip club he owns. When a series of events take place, the owner somehow comes into possession with a wooden crate of weed, which unknowing to him, is host to a colony of giant, mutant, blood-hungry ticks. They break out of their nest and attack, reaking havoc on the strippers and customers of the club.
Sounds innocent right?
Sounds like a possibility for lulz and nudity-filled schenanigans, right?
WRONG! … well… wrong about the lulz and innocence…. right on the nudity.
Turns out to be a softcore porno… without the charm.
Apparantly, these bugs contain venom.. and once they bite any of the women… the infected women turn to lesbians. No joke.
They do it… A LOT… and then some guy at the club gets out a gun and starts rambling on about how everyone is a pervert and goes off in a rant about how the country is falling apart… weird… then more lesbian sex… more fighting… and 2 boring HORRIBLE hours later… the club explodes.
Oh… did i mention that the club is in the shape of a GIANT LIFESIZE MODEL of Godzilla? Because ¬†that’s kind of important.
This B-movie is ACCEPTABLE to watch with a group of friends and make fun of it. The first 20 minutes were great… a lot of material. Then… it got so incredible boring and horrible… I believe someones words were “I wish I could just peel all my skin off”.

I wouldn’t even recommend this to riffers who want to pass time or treat a severe case of boredom. This movie was a complete waste of time, lacked the charm that makes bad movies enjoyable, and if I were given the choice to walk home from a bar in Burbank all the way to a shitty apartment in Koreatown… or watch this again… I choose the risk of being mauled by Coyotes than to be exposed to this piece of shit ever again.

 

FILM RATING- 0.5 (OUT OF 5)

RIFF RATING- 0 (OUT OF 4)

EPIC FAIL!

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