THE FUNHOUSE

by DMD on May 12, 2011 at 9:28 pm
Posted In: Reviews

THE FUNHOUSE (1981)

When the carnival comes to town… a group of teens decide to spend the night in the fun house. While hiding in the ceiling, they witness the mentally challenged ride attendant murder a psychic fortune teller that they previously pissed off earlier in the night. They find out that they are locked in with a psychotic murderer and his carnie family… let the good times roll…

The similarities between this and Texas Chainsaw Massacre are all over the place. We got a mutant mentally challenged murderer… a psycho family… and impaling people on hooks.
The pacing was a little slow for my taste. It took about 30 minutes for something to happen. Before the first kill takes place we just follow 4 teens and a child going through the carnival and seeing the attractions.

Luckily our characters are not complete dumbasses. They know what they have to do and what will happen to them if they don’t. They also blessed us with no lines such as: “Hey, we can cover more ground if we split up”… or… “I’ll be right back”. At one point, the slutty blonde, knowing the mutants weakness is sex with women, attempts to use her sexuality to survive and attack the killer.

At times, you kind of get annoyed by the set ups and blatant foreshadowing. From the beginning, you know a scenario will arise where the kid will be inches away from saving them, but won’t because he thinks its the big prank his sister warned him about. You aren’t really surprised when it happens and are just glad to get it out of the way early on.

I also wasn’t a big fan of the fact that one of the weapons was a gun. Its kind of an unwritten rule of circus horror movies to use whatever is around you as a weapon of opportunity. Luckily, the gun didn’t play too big of a role in the film.

As for Killings go: we get one mauled by a retard, a hanging while getting an axe to the skull, a good ol’fashion beating, an impalement, and a nice juicy electricution while being crushed by machenary. For what the film neglected during the first chunk of the movie when it came to the creepy carnival shenanigans… it makes up for during the climax.

Overall, even though I was expecting a supernatural carnie movie, I was actually surprised by how good this 80s slasher was. It could have been more inventive, given its set design, but it wasn’t too bad.

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PARANORMAL ACTIVITY 2: TOKYO NIGHT

by DMD on May 12, 2011 at 3:00 am
Posted In: Reviews

PARANORAL ACTIVITY 2: TOKYO NIGHT (2010)

No…. no… this is NOT a review for the recent sequel released by Paramount Pictures. This is a new, unknown, official sequel made by Japan.

After Katie murders her boyfriend at the end of the first film, she is run over by an Asian Woman Driver (Insert Racial Joke Here). When returning to Japan in a wheel chair, her brother notices strange things going around the house. It wouldn’t be a Paranormal Activity movie without handycams, now would it?
At first, I feared I was doomed to a shot-by-shot retelling of the first movie. It opens with the guy adjusting his camera while the girl arrives by car. The bass-filled atmosphere that occompanies the hauntings also return.

Luckily, this installment brought back what worked from the first one and added to it. The possession was creepy as hell and some of the shit that goes down had my jaw dropping.
Unfortunatly, the biggest flaw of the film is the recycling of everything from part one. They basically spell everything out for you, leaving nothing to the imagination, but then again… its a sequel to Paranormal Activity… so I wasn’t really expecting much in the immagination department. I also dreaded the reusing of the signature ‘toss-to-the-camera’ shot.

Overall, the movie was an interesting way to spend a Friday night. It delivered some scares, added onto the franchise a little, gave another alternative explaination to the hauntings that wasn’t retarded beyond comprehension… (I’m sorry, but nothing was a bigger letdown to me than the American sequels explaination of making a deal with the devil). I prefer this explaination better, because it shows how powerful and unstoppable this evil can be. Other than that… if you have seen the first one… you’ve basically seen this.

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PROM NIGHT II

by DMD on May 12, 2011 at 3:00 am
Posted In: Reviews

Prom Night II: Hello Mary Lou (1987)

In the 50s, Some bitch gets roasted on the stage after a prank goes horribly wrong. Years later, the culprit, who is now the principle, teams up with a priest who try to stop her vengful spirit.

Don’t kill me, but I wasn’t a big fan of the first Prom Night… I dug Jamie Lee Curtis and the atmosphere, but I just couldn’t get into it. The sequel, which stands alone from the first one, is more of a supernatural revenge story.

The acting was refreshingly well done… as well as some of the scares. We got demonic possession, vengful spirits, objects coming alive, etc. Its also packed with 80s cliches.

However, there are many times during the film that had me facepalming the hell out of myself. A priest waving a crucifix screaming THE BODY OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU… over and over again.. come on… that screams out THE EXORCIST.

The film also borrows a lot from NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET… where the main protagonist, a teenage girl, is seeing disturbing things in her subconscious, such as her dead friends who was killed by a spirit seeking revenge. She also becomes sleep deprived and surrounded by Paranoia.

All in all… the film has likable characters, predictable scares if you’ve seen enough horror films, a dash of lesbonic activity, and plenty of 80s culture to shake a stick at. Its a great way to spend an hour and a half.

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RABID GRANNIES

by DMD on April 24, 2011 at 3:52 am
Posted In: Reviews

RABID GRANNIES (1989)

I’m going to start off with this one by saying that this is the Troma-Release version that can be found on Netflix. Apparantly there are multiple versions of the film and didn’t want people to get confused.

Two elderly sisters have all their gold-digger family members over their mansion for their birthday celibration… with the exception of one… the Satanic-worshipping relative. He gets wind of the party and is pissed he wasn’t invited. During the birthday dinner, the grannies recieve a mysterious box as a gift from the occultist… which turns them into demonic cannibalistic spawns of Satan. The reunion quickly becomes an every-man-for-himself bloodbath.

The movie starts off slow and is probably one of the worst dubbed movies I’ve ever experienced. Apparantly the movie is French, one of the worst languages to dub (Italian being the easiest).

Every family member is impossible to relate to. The most redeemable character in the entire movie would have to be the Lesbian prostitute that cheats on her client with the client’s brother. Even the children, who are dubbed by adults, are annoying and able to sway the most conservative person suddenly pro-choice.

When the killings begin, the pace goes into overdrive. The gore was actually surprising.. as well as the make-up. It reminded me of Lamberto Bava’s DEMONS, which made me like the film better. The killings are also interesting and inventive. At some times, the film even managed to catch me off guard and surprise me. Nothing says entertainment like a good ol’fashioned eating of a little girl with pig-tails.

Overall, the film is an entertaining way to spend with friends while enjoying alcohol. It is boring at the start, but quickly changes at the first kill and refuses to slow down. It is in no way a good movie, film-making-wise, but a well-made B-movie that shows unlikable characters meeting their well-deserved end by the hand of two demonic-possessed grannies.

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SEVEN DAYS TO LIVE

by DMD on April 24, 2011 at 3:41 am
Posted In: Reviews

SEVEN DAYS TO LIVE (2000)

When I heard people referring this film as ‘The British Shining’, I really had no idea how accurate that description was. It’s about an Author who wants to get away from it all and write his latest book. He moves into a secluded mansion with his wife, who begins to see things around the house. He gradually changes into a maniac as she runs around the house with a giant kitchen knife. A local old-timer who warns her about the house manages to come to her rescue… sound familiar?

The film lacked anything genuily creepy from start to finish (minus the last part of the opening scene), but I kept watching it hoping it would add something new to the story. I kind of dug the backstory about the dead little boy and was impressed by the acting. However, it was too similar to The Shining, which is a huge distraction.

Also, I was confused as to how the hell the house, which is dragged into the abyss and crumbles away, manages to be standing again as the ending credits role. Apparantly the house either sprung back up like a daisy… or someone made a huge continuity error.

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