HOUSEBOUND

 

 

HOUSEBOUND - Entity

 

 

 

 

 

HOUSEBOUND (2014)

Kylie is sentenced to house arrest after a robbery gone bad. She is forced to move back to her childhood home with her overly talkative mother and her step-dad. Strange shit starts to go down... and her mother tells her that the house is haunted. Now, Kylie must solve the house's dark past without being able to escape the danger surrounding her.
CLASS
GRADE
REMARKS
 
 
PLOTB-Although the plot has been seen before... You can't help but enjoy the ride.
ACTINGBGreat performances from all.
CINEMATOGRAPHY A-Fantastic camera work
DIRECTINGAIt takes talent to combine all the various elements used in this film... And make it actually good.
EDITINGA-Refreshing work compared to the over-abundant standard horror flicks that are constantly getting released...
HOT SEXY LEABIANS ?FNope
ORIGINALITYB-This is hard to explain without revealing all the fun surprises... Let's just say that although the plot has been seen many times before... There's more than meets the eye...
SCOREBGreat work with the composition.. Really enhances the scenes..
SCREENPLAYAThe perfect storm of interesting characters, creepy-ass situations, impressive twists and turns, tension, and drama.
SPECIAL FXCNone to remark about... Except one instant where CGI was obviously used when it could have been performed practically.
VISUAL FX/GOREAWow.. It's great to see actual gore and visual fx... Much more realistic and... Gruesome...
WTF SCOREA-From the get-go... The unexpected seems to find its way through the film. Every time I thought something would happen.. I was proved wrong... And let's just say... The last 20 minutes of the film completely live up to all the hype.
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THE DEVIL’S HAND

DEVIL'S HAND- Witness

 

 

 

THE DEVIL'S HAND (2014)

A group of Amish girl's prepare for their 18th birthdays... But soon find out that there is a prophecy whispered in their commune about 6 girls being born on the 6th night of the 6th month.... And only one will survive their 18th birthday... The one who survives will become the Anti-Christ... and the prophecy is coming true...
CLASS
GRADE
REMARKS
 
 
PLOTA-Not only is this an Anti-Christ movie.. But a slasher/thriller... AND drama...
ACTINGB+Most good Gerald.. Most good...
CINEMATOGRAPHY BWent above and beyond the standard
DIRECTINGBIt takes talent to pull off the many layers of this movie.. Kudos...
EDITINGB+Not bad for a PG-13 movie... Edited in such a way you never really notice...
HOT SEXY LEABIANS ?D-Who knew Amish girls swim naked with each other...
ORIGINALITYB-This film found a way to stitch several genres together and STILL stick out from the rest... We got Possession, Serial Killers, Cults, Teen Slasher, Murder Mystery, Apocalypse, and the list goes on...
SCOREBFrom the creepy score... To the modern music thrown here and there... I had no complaints...
SCREENPLAYBI did not expect this film to be any good.... Yet... I've seen it three times in 2 weeks... And each time I pick up something I missed...
SPECIAL FXBNot a lot to comment on....
VISUAL FX/GORECWhere's the gore? There was no reason they should have cut it down for a PG-13 movie.. Since it wasn't released to theaters everywhere... Why would they care if it was meant for Downloading/Streaming? Who knows.. That's my only complaint...
WTF SCORECWhile nothing on a major-level stood out and caused me to yell "WTF" (in a good way)... There were a handful of moments that caught me off guard. HINT- Mostly the scenes with the Parents, lol...
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APRIL APOCALYPSE

April Apocalypse

 

April Apocalypse (2014)

For years... Artie has been a depressed outcast ever since the girl next door moved away after high school. After seeing a Psychiatrist, he is motivated to track down his long lost crush and start his new life... Shortly after moving out of his parent's basement, however, he literally crashes into the Zombie Apocalypse. He is immediately bitten and embarks on a race against time to tell the girl of his dreams that he loves her. What he didn't expect... was that he isn't getting sick... at all... He realizes that he could possibly be the key to finding a cure. Fearing both the living and the dead, he battles his way across the country, hoping that he isn't too late.
CLASS
GRADE
REMARKS
PLOTCNothing really new.. Standard Zomcom story line.. But well pulled off..
ACTINGBShockingly... The actors were really good
CINEMATOGRAPHY B-While nothing really stood out that much in originality... It was still well carried out.
DIRECTINGBExceeded my expectations... Which, I admit, were pretty low, but is encouraging me to seek out other films the director has made.
EDITINGC-My only complaint of this movie.. Was how the timeline was confusing as Hell. Our hero leaves home... And on the road he crashes his car. He wakes up hours later and the entire world has succumbed to the Zombie Apocalypse. We never know how much time passes by during most of the encounters... Hours? Days? Months?
HOT SEXY LEABIANS ?FNope...
ORIGINALITYC-(The standard hero fighting hordes of Zombies across the country to find his girlfriend) + (Lonely misunderstood Slacker rises above challenges to become a hero) x Zombies = This Film
SCOREA-Soundtrack was well put together.
SCREENPLAYC+While the film lacked originality... The character interactions mixed with the odd humor brought the film above the line of mediocrity.
SPECIAL FXCNothing comes to mind...
VISUAL FX/GOREBThe Zombie makeup was good, but there was surprisingly not a lot of actual gore. Wouldn't have hurt them to show a few zombies ripping people's intestines out or something...
WTF SCORECThere were a few surprises here and there...
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AMERICAN GOTHIC

American Gothic

 

 

 

 

 

American Gothic (1988)

After being released from a Mental Hospital for a breakdown caused by her baby drowning in the tub... Cynthia decides to take a vacation with some friends... Unfortunately.. Their plane breaks down and they land on a small island... Where they stumble upon the strangest family in existence... Who wants to play...
CLASS
GRADE
REMARKS
PLOTB-Although it strongly resembles the typical Vacation Horror Movie... There's enough twists to make it stand out.
ACTINGB-Some performances were pretty damn good.. Unfortunately some of the cliché lesser characters drag the rating down.
CINEMATOGRAPHY BWhile some of the scenes didn't really stand out... There were a few that really added to the scene.
DIRECTINGB-My only complaint is the first 1/3 of the film.. Which shouts out that it's just another 80s Slasher in the woods movie... The rest of it, however, was carried out well.
EDITINGB-Some scenes were shot in a way that really impacted and raised the tension that both the viewer and characters shared.
HOT SEXY LEABIANS ?FDoes not play well with others.
ORIGINALITYBWhat started out as the standard slasher movie.. Quickly changed tactics and derailed into a unique horrifying freak show.. It doesn't even follow the standard horror film formula..
SCOREC+A good mix of a little outdated 80s music with tension inspiring scores.
SCREENPLAYBWhile some characters are the cardboard cutouts you find in every other movie.. The rest have interesting backgrounds that relate to the conflict later on. At some point during the movie.. You can't help feel for every character who remains in the last half of the movie.
SPECIAL FXN/ADidn't rely on any...
VISUAL FX/GOREBWhile this wasn't a gore-fest.. The kills were original enough to make you not care about the aftermath of the recently departed..
WTF SCOREBI applaud the movie on its pacing with delivering the many WTF moments... At first.. Nothing.. Then one by one they start to pop out at you.. Until all that's left is an endless barrage of strange and obscure twists being hurled at you without mercy.
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LEPRECHAUN: ORIGINS

Leprechaun: Origins

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Leprechaun: Origins

Four friends are traveling in Ireland when they get mixed up in the dark secrets of a little town and a demonic Leprechaun.
CLASS
GRADE
REMARKS
PLOTCMediocre and Overused...
ACTINGC+Some actors were impressive... And others.. Dragged the score down..
CINEMATOGRAPHY CWould have been a B...but the framing is so obvious of an incoming jump scare.. It's annoying...
DIRECTINGB-The director made a bold move changing everything about the whole series.. No longer a horror-'comedy'... It actually took itself seriously...
EDITINGC+...meh.. Nothing too special...
HOT SEXY LEABIANS ?FApparently Leprechauns don't seek them out in Ireland...
ORIGINALITYD... Come on.. A bunch of teenagers go to a small town and are exposed to horrors...
SCOREC-Nothing really to remark...
SCREENPLAYCAlthough the script is just like every other 'Vacation Horror' movie.. The fact that this was so drastically different and tried to stand out from the other entries in the series.. Impressed me... Even though I was a little bummed out Warwick Davis wasn't in it.. At the end of the film.. It's obvious why... There's nothing scary about the lovable wise-cracking murdeous midget in green...
SPECIAL FXC
VISUAL FX/GOREC+Nothing too impressive in the gore department.. But the Leprechaun brought the grade up...
WTF SCOREDOnly one real moment that comes to mind... Other than that.. It's your standard average horror movie..
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POSSESSION OF MICHAEL KING

PossessionofMichaelKing.PNG

 

 

 

Possession of Michael King (2014)

After the death of his wife, which was caused partially by believing in the advice of a Psychic, Michael King sets out to make a Documentary that would debunk the Supernatural... Unfortunately.. Shit hits the fan when he calls out Satan....
CLASS
GRADE
REMARKS
PLOTCOh Look! Another found footage movie about the occult...
ACTINGB+Would have been an A-, but had a few too many cheesy moments for my liking..
CINEMATOGRAPHY C+... It's a found footage movie.. What else do you expect. Still.. Once or twice the camera work was surprising.
DIRECTINGB+Not too shabby....
EDITINGC-Could have been great.. But I got the feeling that they lacked confidence that the movie could be creepy on its own (which is a shame..).. So they added enough Jump scares to wake the dead... And annoy the Hell out of the Living...
HOT SEXY LEABIANS ?FNot One Hot Sexy Lesbian to be seen...
ORIGINALITYBIt's difficult to get anything abouve a C in horror... Especially when it comes to demonology and possession... But DAMN.. they added some pretty impressive scenarios.. Kudos on that...
SCOREBJust a tad above the mediocrity line at times...
SCREENPLAYB-While most of the time it falls into the average found footage movie.. There are little additions scattered around that clearly shows the research they put into this project... And a few unsettling moments that other movies in this genre lack.
SPECIAL FXD+I wish people would realize that not EVERYTHING needs to be CGI... You seriously couldn't go outside and get an ant? You had to add it in digitally?!?
VISUAL FX/GOREB+When they didn't rely on the over abundance of CGI... Their gore and FX were pretty impressive... Sometimes.. Disgusting...
WTF MOMENTSBDamn....
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Some Changes….

I’m going to change it up around here.. There’s way too many horror review sites… And not everyone wants to read an essays or risk spoilers.. So.. From now on.. I’ll basically do reviews as… Report Cards…

A quick and easy way to find out if a movie sucks or not.. Without having to read everything about the movie before you even see it.

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Dead Snow 2

DEAD SNOW 2 (2014)

The Zombies are coming...

The Zombies are coming…

Let me start off by saying… this is the most fun I’ve had watching a Zombie movie in years. I expected an incoherent desperate mess of a film, but was rewarded with tons of wonderful surprises.

This picks up immediately where the first one left off… Martin escapes the horde of Nazi Zombies, but due to the loss of blood from cutting off his own arm… he crashes his car. Martin awakens in a hospital with 3 major surprises… 1) He’s Still Alive. 2) The police are convinced he is a psychopathic murderer who slaughtered his friends. 3) The doctors re-attached his severed arm while he was unconscious. Unfortunately, its not his arm… but the Zombie Leader’s arm that was ripped off during his getaway. With the knowledge that the Nazi Zombies are growing in number and spreading across the country, he must find a way to stop them… and if that wasn’t bad enough… his Zombie arm seems to have a will of it’s own and kills anything in it’s reach. The only assistance he can get is a local museum clerk (who apparently is a man… that looks FREAKISHLY identical to the butch Lesbian Biker Leader from FEAST 2 & 3) … and three nerds from America (who look like they were ripped out of an episode of BIG BANG THEORY)

IMG_0961

Without spoiling the surprises in store for potential viewers, I will say that the gore was orgasmic. They didn’t hold back… at all… Some of the kills (both Human and Zombie) were pretty damn inventive. The levels of dark humor incorporated into this movie are off the charts. Non of it was random or put in for the Hell of it… it had it’s place and was brilliant. When you are not laughing your ass off or watching the carnage and bloodshed … you are entranced by the story line and interaction with the characters.

BASICALLYThis movie is The Tits.. Tons of gore, laughs, and enough WTF moments to view this movie multiple times just to comprehend everything. I love this movie…

 

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Joy Ride 3

JOY RIDE 3 (2014)

Joy Ride 3- GTFO

Oh Boy.. Where do I begin…

 

I understand that expecting a sequel to be as satisfying as it’s predecessor… Is like expecting to see Hot Sexy Japanese Lesbians having a Pillow Fight in their panties when crashing a girl’s slumber party … Especially a direct to DVD sequel to a horror film. But even JOY RIDE 2 had it’s moments that impressed me for a film of its nature. There was basically only one attribute that I could detect from this impotent unnecessary entry that was semi-redeemable… the gratuitous carnage and slaying.

This sequel has to be the bloodiest addition to the ‘Saga of Rusty-Nail’. The kills seemed much more inventive. They certainly were not shy in the gore department. The previous entries didn’t really focus on blood and guts. The Original focused on the actual Cat-and-Mouse game. The sequel just tried to keep up with its reputation (which pretty much failed). I believe the filmmakers gave up on the idea of making a semi-decent addition, so to make up for it.. They decided to go all out and basically triple the body count.
Now, instead of writing PARAGRAPHS AFTER PARAGRAPHS of my rants and ravings on how this movie failed in every way possible.. I shall save us all some time… And just make a list.. On how completely retarded this movie is.


1. This movie doesn’t waste any time shattering everything that made Rusty-Nail creepy and mysterious. No longer is he lurking in the shadows or a silhouette in the corner of your eye. Right at the beginning.. We see Rusty-Nail… His face… What he looks like… In daylight… Looking the exact opposite of scary.

2. The opening credit sequence could honestly go perfectly to Benny Hill music playing in the background… Again… The exact opposite of scary…

3. Another thing that made the original so creepy… Was that the entire time… The audience ponders how this unstoppable force keeps finding them. So, naturally, they get rid of that as well. NOT ONLY does Rusty have a computer set up (with magical WIFI that works in the middle of nowhere… When phones don’t even work)… BUT ALSO a video camera mounted on the truck. Keep in mind that AT NO TIME do we ever see the actual camera set-up. In every exterior shot with the truck in frame.. There is NOTHING mounted or placed.. Yet.. He apparently has a video feed going… WITH MULTIPLE ANGLES! So after someone pisses him off, he records the car… Uses the internet to look up their license plate.. And cyber-stalks the Hell out of them… Apparently every single 12-year-old girl possesses the skills to be unstoppable killing machines…

4. The story makes ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE… Why the fuck are they hiding from the police.. THEY didn’t break the law… They just cut him off… They would seriously risk their lives on a serial killer than explain to the cops why this rampage is taking place???

5. ALL OF THE CHARACTERS ARE FUCKING RETARDED… The characters, on their way to participate in a huge car racing event, have a car that can CLEARLY outrun the Psychopath’s truck…. STOP driving to safety after Rusty first attempts to drive them off the road… And split up… So some of them can GO BACK to his stalled out truck to see if he’s alright…. His truck didn’t even crash, just stalled in the road.. AFTER TRYING TO KILL THEM…

6. QUESTION: After witnessing the grisly slaying of some of your closest friends.. From a pissed off TRUCKER who YOU KNOW IS FOLLOWING AND WATCHING YOUR EVERY MOVE… And you decide.. Fuck it… You get out of the car, count your losses, and just walk away from the whole situation (at which point I’m yelling out ‘FINALLY, SOMEONE WHO ISN’T A COMPLETE FUCKTARD) WHY IN THE NAME OF GOD’S GREEN LEFT TIT… WOULD YOU KEEP TRYING TO STOP EVERY TRUCK THAT DRIVES BY FOR HELP?!?!

There’s more I could add to my tangent, but it gives away too many spoilers. Basically, the only reason to watch this shit is for the bloody fucked up kills… Everything else.. Will probably annoy the Hell out of you… Or piss you off (if you are a fan of the original)… Watch at your own risk.

 

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Inhuman Resources

Inhuman Resources (2012)

Inhuman Resources

Just about everybody claims they have the boss from Hell… but have they ever been drugged, kidnapped, chained to a desk, and executed if they don’t get the job done?

The plot is pretty simple… An escaped convicted serial killer… kidnaps several people (all of which had SOMETHING to do with his Trial)…. and chains them to a desk… Their job… is to prove he is innocent.. if they fuck up… they get a warning. After receiving their fifth warning… they are executed in front of their co-workers.

What caught me off guard was that the character of the demented boss, Mr. Reddmann, wasn’t the cut-and-paste crazy maniac you expect from this kind of movie. He states right off the bat that he is reasonable and fair. You can’t help but feel bad for the guy at times. If you can’t keep up with the pace because you don’t have glasses… instead of outright killing the bitch… he finds her a pair and calms her down. That being said… when you DO fuck up… Jesus Titty Fucking Christ…. Brace for Brutality. Is it fucked up that I’ve actually had WORSE bosses than this guy?

I’m ashamed to say that I was KIND of let down with the gore. Don’t get me wrong… There was a lot of it… And VERY well done… But with Tom Savini behind it… I was expecting Gore-Galore… But. It was still refreshing to see that SOME FILMMAKERS don’t COMPLETELY rely on CGI for EVERYTHING….

Another vice…. The movie kind of missed a shit load of opportunities to work with their office setting. After working in a high stressed office environment for over 10 years… I was expecting to see inventive and gruesome methods of slaying that incorporated every day office supplies and equipment… Sadly.. This was all a tease… Was it the movie’s fault? … Should the offense be attributed to my own imagination for setting my expectations too high? That is for you to determine.

If you are looking for an entertaining way to spend an hour and a half… Look no further. This flick integrates elements of dark humor, interesting scenarios, old-school gore, and a few likable characters here and there.

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